how to be more resilient and have gaslight repellant

Hi my joys,

I wanted to share my thoughts, experience and tips to help you learn how to be more resilient and have gaslight repellant.

Are laughter, love and joy missing from your life?

Fifteen Sunflowers on a yellow background (August 1888)

“Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look at squarely in the eye and say, ‘I will be better than you. You cannot defeat me.’ Then repeat to yourself the most comforting words, ‘this too shall pass.'”

Anne Landers

Recently I’ve been leaning into the lives of artists I admire, living and dead. Top of mind is Vincent van Gogh whose work has always inspired me. It was seeing one of his paintings while I was in New York many moons ago that started me painting again. I think I was around 31. He’s been in the news recently with that horrid attack on his sunflowers painting by a couple of women seeking infamy for their beliefs. Google ‘van Gogh tomato soup’ to know more or click here.

Recently, I’ve felt like people have been throwing tomato soup at me. It’s been a stressful time for many reasons, not least of which is my mum passing two months ago. Horrid things have been going on with my siblings in relation to her last wishes and the settlement of her estate. It’s only recently that I’ve come to understand the dynamics within our family more fully…and it’s made me sad…and mad!

Vincent had a super loving and encouraging brother who supported him financially and encouraged his painting. I envied him that…in a good way. Because in so many other areas, Vincent suffered. His relationship with his father was strained; he desperately wanted to be loved but never married and never had a child, and he despaired that he never sold any of his paintings. But he kept painting anyway and found comfort and companionship in his art. Perhaps he never would have poured so much beauty, hope and healing into his paintings had his life been easier. He painted himself happy—even when he was in an asylum….but eventually, life, the taunts and unkindness of others, and loneliness broke him.

It’s from Vincent that I got my love of yellow and texture and found comfort and healing in art. Immersing myself in beauty protects me from the brutality of life and living.

Instead of watching the news, I’ve been watching art videos:)

I absolutely adored this Youtube video about Vincent’s life; I wish when I studied art history, my teacher could have brought it to life in this way.

Have you subscribed to my channel yet on Youtube…? You’ll find inspiring, uplifting content here:

I love yellow, but I love blue too. And pink…yes, I do love pink…and green…and well…I just love colour…and flowers. People often think flowers are just pretty wee things, but I loved how my new collector, Sandy, said her new painting, Bloomin’ reminded her of wildflowers. And that triggered something I heard another artist say recently about how flowers are resilient and strong. They sure are. They can grow through cracks in concrete and flower in some of the most barren and harsh landscapes. And they always bring joy!

Flowers always make people better, happier and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.” ~ Luther Burbank

So, as I was sharing earlier, I’d been feeling low and despondent and wondering, “what is the point?” “Am I wasting my life doing these flower paintings?” And this despair, coupled with news that a group of local artists had banded together to hold an exhibition this weekend, an art trail, but had excluded me, well, that was almost the straw that smashed the artist’s back…and then in walked Sandy.

Or rather, along came Sandy walking barefoot on the grass, side-by-side with my partner Laurie, heading to the studio. I never know if anyone will come when I open my studio, but I open it anyway…and this is the first time in many months. It’s wonderful to create joy, but it’s even nicer to share it with others…and I’m ecstatic and grateful when people love my work so much that they buy it instantly.

I said to a friend, in my next life, I want to be Taylor Swift! I love her sassiness and how she channels her heartbreak into her strong, empowering lyrics. And I love how she hosts her ‘superfans’ at her home and bakes them cakes. And I thought, hey, I kinda already do that.

I love having people in the studio, making cups of tea and chin-wagging about them, their lives, their sorrows and what lights them up…which, happily, are my paintings.

Sandy’s reaction when I showed her Simply Gorgeous made me feel so happy. I snuck this wee photo (and later asked permission to share it). “I love this., she cried. It really was love at first sight.

Simply Gorgeous is an abstract landscape painting from my Joyous Wee Gems collection. It was inspired by a magical sunset view from the studio and my gallery art@rangitane in the beautiful Bay of Islands, New Zealand. Simply Gorgeous is also inspired by a collector who saw a preview of this one in the collection and cried, “simply gorgeous”

These smaller works of heART are perfect if you are downsizing, or curating a bookcase or to brighten a smaller area of your home or office.

I loved getting this note from Sandy the day after she visited the gallery.

“Meeting you and seeing your beautiful works were a highlight of my new life in KK. I’m looking forward to collecting my new Bloomin’ beauty next weekend.”

What I’ve been watching…how to be more resilient and have gaslight repellant

I love Dr. Ramani’s videos on helping become more resistant to toxic relationships. Do you have narcissistic parents or siblings…bosses, “collaborators,” or politicians who are bent on bringing you down? Do you need to keep yourself sane in an insane world? Here are Dr. Ramani’s tips for valuing yourself and having gaslight repellent against mean and unkind people.

Why Doesn’t Mummy Love Me?

“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up.” ~ Dr Ramini

One of the things I’ve learned from Dr Ramani is getting better at setting boundaries, distancing from narcissists and enablers and, most importantly, the importance of finding meaning and purpose in my work.

As a child therapist, I had the privilege of hearing from boys and girls, young and old, who told me that their mummies didn’t love them as they should. “If I was my mother, I wouldn’t drink,” one 8-year-old said. His father was in prison and his mum was at the pub. Luckily he had an excellent GRAND-mummy who was raising him and bringing him to therapy to help with his anger issues.

“My mother wanted custody of my sister, but she didn’t come for me. She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t love me. I’m no good,” a 12-year-old boy referred, also for anger problems, told me. “I want to kill myself,” a 10-year-old sobbed. “My mother is always yelling at me. The more I try to do to make her happy, the more she gives me and then she shouts when I can’t do it all. She wouldn’t care if I died.”

Look into their mother’s history, as I helped these children do, and as I have done to heal my own wounds, and they discover that their mothers are walking wounded. Their mummies (and daddies) rather than learn from their childhoods victimise all, or some, of their children.

If you can’t be loved by your mother unconditionally, then love yourself unconditionally. Warts, pimples, freckles, flaws and extraordinary talents and all. Because you are a star. We all are. Some stars live in dark galaxies, and others need to live in the light to shine brightly.

Sometimes we have to be our own ‘magic mummy’…as I share in my book, Why Doesn’t Mummy Love Me.

If you need help finding meaning and purpose, you’ll love my book, How to Find Your Meaning and Purpose>>

Painting, writing, creating and inspiring others fill up my love bucket. But even I need validation from time to time. This is why I store feedback, to look at when I feel low. In my family, compliments were as rare as pink diamonds. I love this validation someone left after reading The Little Princess. “Cassandra is the queen of uplifting inspiration,” Amazon reviewer.

Part moral allegory and part spiritual autobiography, The Little Princess is a timeless charm that tells the story of a young woman (me!) who leaves the safety of fitting in with everyone else to follow her heart.

Thank you for reading, and loving my work. You inspire me:) I hope this post has inspired you, too, and helped you know how to be more resilient and have gaslight repellant. Feel free to forward to friends and encourage them to subscribe to my newsletters for more upliftment. Goodness knows the world needs it.

P.S. Summer Love is showing weekends until Sunday 30 October 2022, 11am until 3pm

There are a range of small, medium and larger works available for sale. Something for all budgets and the perfect opportunity to pick up a special Christmas gift.

Enjoy a light-hearted day viewing soul-enriching art set amongst a 10-acre subtropical garden overlooking the sea.

174 Rangitane Road,
Kerikeri
(12km from town, toward Opito Bay

I hope to see you here for the exhibition or my upcoming art retreats xxxx

p.p. s. I’ll be putting a selection of new works on my website throughout the weekend. Check the featured art page: https://shop.cassandragaisford.com/product-category/featured/

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