Self belief is a critical determinant of happiness and success yet sometimes an elusive factor. So many things conspire to weaken our self belief:
criticism from others
self criticism
perfectionism and overly high self standards
lack of focus and discipline
under resourcing - time, money, training
lack of encouragement

all of the above and others took swipe at my self belief recently when I went back to study. Family and friends said I was crazy, classes were over subscribed, money was tight, relationships strained, stress levels high, a horrible group critique that left one student crying, under-funding and indifferent tutors, impatience with lack of skill combined with minimal one to one tutoring eroded the belief I could turn my dream into a reality and made it "easy" for me to throw in the towel.

Passion, skill, and belief all determine success and happiness in life but with no belief you are destined to fail.

What did my recent experience teach me. In my case a large factor was suffering from way too much stress - as you'll see later I really needed to get that under control. Critical self belief boosters also include:
surrounding yourself with people who believe in you
remind yourself of and focus on prior achievements
don't settle for less - ask for your needs to be met
affirm your strengths
recognize areas for development and allow time for talent to develop
perservere in the face of setbacks
find another way around obstacles
get a mentor, coach, or tutor
practise, practise, practise
be positive
allow no doubt - fake it til you make it
fuel your desire - build a strong mental, emotionally evocative picture of your end goal
find role models who succeeded despite the odds
prioritize - don't spread yourself too thin
know when to give up, know when to stay

where to from here for me?
timing is everything. As Thomas Edison once said, " I haven't failed, I've succeeded in finding ways that didn't work".

I still have belief - I'm just clearer about what didn't work:
Being stressed to the max didn't work
juggling study with a new relationship didn't work
juggling two mortgages and finding two new tennants and try and study didn't work
lack of encouragement didnt help
moving between 3 homes and two campuses didn't work
crises with teenager didn't work
studying with savvy 18 year olds in over subscribed classes didn't work
house sitting and minding a dog didn't work
relying on others in group assignments didn't work
working two jobs and running a business didn't work


Gosh! No wonder it didn't work! But when the timing is right it still can. I know I can self study, I know I can apply for entry into year two in Dec. Mostly I know I need to take time to get my mojo back after an extremely stressful two years. And I know I need to take time out to clarify what's truly important and how best to achieve it.

How about you? What do you need to do to boost your self-belief?








waning passion for a career as an architect certainly didn't work

Labels: achieving goals, diary of an architect, Happiness, Motivation, Overcoming setbacks, passion, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking, Productivity

I received an update recently from a fabulously talented lady in the States I've been following and I couldn't help but be excited by how similarly we are feeling.

Here's her entry that got me thinking that it's time to stop, rest, dream and plan rather than continue frenetically along the pathS I'm currently on.

"You may have to reinvent your role as a marketer too at some point. It’s not that I’m wishy washy about it - I just have a lot I want to accomplish. I like teaching total newbies what an autoresponder is, or exchanging ideas with other advanced marketers. I like introducing new concepts to people and providing cheap writing via my PLR Mini Mart.

Right now, I have my hands in too many cookie jars - literally and figuratively. So I’ve decided that starting tomorrow and through the month of August, I am going to step back and decide what I want to pursue more heavily. Instead of doing a little PLR, a little info product training, a bit of social networking tutorials - I will decide what makes my heart go kerplunk and follow that dream full steam ahead. I need a drawing board with a plan, Stan! And I’m going to get it.

But I need a clear head for it. This month, I worked my butt off paying off my August bills ahead of time. I know it sounds odd to those without a problem, but I have to spend a lot of time on losing weight, too. It impedes my thought process. I can’t explain it - it just does. I’m happy in every way in life except my weight - and I have 100 pounds to lose. A mountain.

So I am making this next month (starting tomorrow), a period of back to the basics for Tiff. I’m going to wake up each morning, check email to answer customer service questions, etc., and then work on my weight. While I’m exercising, I will be exploring my options, thinking hard about what fulfills me - not just what makes ends meet or allows me to profit more. Right now, I can’t even multi task between weight loss and work. It is exhausting because exercise drains my energy and I need energy to work. I need my head to be clear and focused."

If Tiff can do it - I can do. So effective tonight I'm going to disconnect from technology for a while and do some serious thinking about who I am, who I want to be and how I'm going to get there. Exciting stuff!

So far I've cut myself some slack from my architecture studies - the course is not really what I need and being with 17-18 year olds not the stimulation I need to fuel my passion. So quess what - I quit! That doesn't mean I'm going to give up on my dream. IT just means I'm going to buy myself some time and really look at my options.

Effective tonight I'm baby sitting my mothers dog and her house for a month - so that will be a nice break.

After that....I'll deal with that then

How can you take time out to reflect on who you are and what makes you tick?

Labels: achieving goals, Career Creation, Happiness, Motivation, passion, Powerful thinking

I received this lovely feedback last month - but only just found it in my in-tray:


"Congratulations on being true to yourself and making your dreams become your reality.

I just love reading about people who “walk the talk” – and who are taking big, bold, exciting steps.

It is wonderful.

Warmest wishes for continuing a very successful life….
Liz, Career Consultant, Career Services rapuara

It really made my day - especially as this is day 2 of my course. I'd be lying if I said there weren't times when I thought "oh, my god, what am I doing?" There's even been times when I wanted to quit! So soon, I hear you say! But I'm not quitting, I 'm staying even though all this new learning is blowing my mind, even though assignments are already stockpiling, even though I'm trying to live a balanced life and make room for my partner and his needs, even though as of Thursday I'll be officially homeless (I've rented out the house to fund my studies).

What keeps me there? The share challenge - and the fact that for the first time in my life I am studying my true path with heart - creating healing, sustainable, organic architecture that feeds peoples mind, body and soul:)

I also remind myself how lucky I am to have this opportunity and affirm my courage - over the years I've career counselled many people too frightened, too lazy, too comfortable, or too suppressed to make a change for the better. I hope my journey inspires others:) If i can find a way - you can too!

Labels: achieving goals, diary of an architect, Happiness, Motivation, Overcoming setbacks, passion, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking

Boosting Courage During the Fear of A Recession


It’s the 21st of February 2009 and as I write this there is no doubt that the worldwide economy is reeling in the wake of a global credit crunch (and might I add as a result of too much consumerism, corporate greed and shoddy ethics). The media is churning out piece after piece of fear inducing coverage on topics such as increasing crime, corporate theft, foreclosures and increasing mortgage payment defaults, unparalleled job layoffs, job insecurity crippling debt, bad loans and more gloom and doom than you can possibly stomach in a day.

With all the focus on despair it is no wonder the world has come to a grinding halt and consumer and business confidence is at the lowest point in decades. But what about the good news stories – many businesses are reporting record growth, some are expanding into new markets, taking on new employees and even turning work away? You don’t see these stories very often in the media. What happened to balanced coverage? And importantly how is this lack of balance impacting your decisions?

• Are you staying in a job you hate because you’re afraid you won’t find one you’ll love?
• Are you delaying starting a business because you’re surrounded by news of business failure?
• Are you hanging onto your savings rather than invest in retraining or other strategies to help you advance and future proof your career?
• Are you working longer and longer hours because your afraid the boss will think you’re a slacker and lay you off?
• Is your mind racing and racing with so many bad news scenarios you can’t sleep at night?
• Are you afraid to take a risk or do something truly innovative because everyone urges you to be careful?


My favorite strategies for boosting courage and taking risks during the fear of a recession:

People often ask me what the secret to my success is – the great news is that there is no secret. The success factor is simple – remind yourself that you are in control, take calculated action toward your dreams, have a back up plan in case it all goes to custard, and, very importantly, have faith that what ever happens you’ll handle it.

I'm working on a new e-Book "Courage: simple, inspiring and powerful ways to challenge your fears" at the moment. If you could do with a dose of courage check back here shortly - I'll let you know when I've finished it! It will be filled with some of the things I do to boost my courage – especially in the face of discouragement, negative input and other potential handbrakes.

Labels: achieving goals, Overcoming setbacks, Powerful thinking

"We are suffering from an epidemic of overthinking—caught in torrents of negative thoughts and emotions that overwhelm us and interfere with our functioning and well-being." Nolen-Hoeksema, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan

I recently received an email from a client asking me how she could stop over analysing everything. Her specific challenge to me was " How can Petra let her spirit run more freer? (and less dominated by the rational side of her)".

Rather than spend too much time thinking about this myself I did a brain purge - listing all the possible ways she could free her mind and let her spirit soar. "Just whatever comes up for you intuitively would be lovely!" she said. What an ideal client! I love to work intuitively. Little does she know that I am a recovering over-thinker myself. Still as they say, we learn best what we need to teach."

Here's my intuitive response:

Stop over thinking!

•MeditateNumerous studies have documented the health benefits of meditating daily. Increased creativity, clearer thinking, minimised stress and anxiety are just some of the many benefits. I learned the Transcendental Meditation technique over 13 years ago and have never looked back. See the resource section below

• Wear more colourful and flowing clothes. So many people's spirits are straitjacketed in tight, tailored, black suits. Woman especially seem to have lost their femininity at work

•Be silly, reckless, and childlike. Learn to adopt the spontaneous, playful curiosity of children. Spend time at a play centre, hang out with nieces and nephews if you have forgotten how and copy-cat your way to playfulness.

•Do at least one FTE a day - First Time Experience. This may be little like going down a street you have never been down before, or bigger like make an impulsive purchase or asking a complete stranger to dance!

•Have massages regularly to loosen up. It's hard to let your spirit soar if your body is tied up in knots.

•Take up dance - let your body move. Movement frees up tension and energises our minds and spirits. Take up a class or dance to your own music at home. Really let yourself go.

•Ensure your home and work environment reflect the way you want to feel. While studying interior architecture several years ago I came across a wonderful book, "the house is a reflection of self." This resonated with me. Look around your own home. Do the colours, shapes, textures, furnishings reflect the way you wan to feel? How can you create more spontaneity, intuition, creativity?

•Learn to say no. Taking on too much responsibility can cripple creativity. Learn to say no and delegate where ever possible. Practice creative procrastination - put off until tomorrow that which won't advance your life today.


•Monitor your words and thoughts. - "Must's, should's, have to's, can'ts, if's", are restricting words. Proactively weed them out and feed with "want to's" and more decisive, knowing words.

• See your freedom. Get a photo of you when you were most free - place it where you can see it everyday

•Affirm for what you want. Repeat, "I am a free spirit" or " everyday my spirit is feeling freer and freer" to programme your mind for success.

•Take regular holidays. Taking time out is a great tonic for the over-wrought soul

•Take up a creative hobby – painting, photography, creative writing, poetry, singing

•Set a freedom goal – make a project of it. Replace the word "goal" with " desire" to experience all the benefits shifting from over analysing everything will manifest

•Aromatherapy – smell freedom! Scents from essential oils like mandarin, orange and Ylang Ylang can alter brain chemistry and free up restrictive, analytical thinking. Pick up an aromatherapy book and find the scent that's right for you

•“Plan a day” where there is no plan – allow your soul to guide you. This reminds me of a very uptight friend of mine who turned up one day looking uncharacteristically untidy, "We're having a playful day" she proudly said.

•Take a load off your feet - Go gliding or soak in a flotation tank (a light-and sound-proof tank filled with water) like NZ Portrait artist Mark Olsen

•Free your working week. Create some more variety and freedom in your day. Cut down your work hours/times where you have to be available to others– so you can drive your time how you like

• Copy your way to freedom. Think of your least rational friend – copycat, ask them for tips, etc

•Leverage off your strengths. Make less rationality a research project – use your rational side to help you. Another rational solution is to complete a force field analysis:1. List all the forces against/things that constrain your spirit - if not "free" then what? "trapped"?? 2. Now list all the forces for a more free-er sense of self. 3. Now identify ways to maximise forces for, ways to minimse forces against 4. Develop an action plan

• Tap into the spiritual realm - Visit a psychic and have an intuitive, spiritual reading

• Trust yourself - make failure your friend. The fear of failure is one of the primary reasons people spend so much time over-thinking. Set a time limit on thinking and decide when enough is enough then commit to action. If it doesn't work out this time at least you'll know what not to do next time.

and not last, and not least....

•Trust your gut! As Einstein once said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." Listen to life’s whispers and act on your intuition. Intuitively I always “knew” I could build a house on the back of my section. Rationally I had no idea how!
Allow your intuition to guide you to the higher ground as Oprah does, "My business skills have come from being guided by my higher self or my intuition. I am who I am today because of... intuition, my ability to feel what is right for me and allowing that to be the strongest guide in my life. Intuition is akin to God. It is akin to being led by that which is greater than yourself. My intuition, my intention and my passion have allowed me to be who I am and will take me to higher ground..."
Everyone is intuitive – many of us have just forgotten how to listen. Listen to and strengthen your intuition – keep an intuition journal by noting all the times your intuition speaks to you.

Helpful resources:

Learn to meditate - read benefits and find out about classes

Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life" -
Read the article here

Labels: achieving goals, Career Creation, Happiness, Health, Intuition, Motivation, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking

Several days ago I received this comment my powerful creativity blog from one of the artists I invited to participate in my Joy'ance exhibition.
:
"No wonder people respond to your art in such a positive way Cassandra - it is created by such a joyful and generous spirit.
It's been an absolute pleasure exhibiting alongside you in Joy'ance.
Thanks so much for your lovely comments. Deanna X"

I felt great! Creating more positivity and joy in the world is important to me. But then several days later I received this email -

Cassandra,

Please note your account has been deactivated. Being a privately owned and run forum, the administrators can and have made the choice to deactivate based on personal differences of which we feel there is no need to go into further detail with.

We wish you well in your other endeavours

Administrators

As one very positive and wise colleague and fellow artist Monika Welch (www.artdziner.co.nz) reminded me today:

Sometimes, doors close, and sometimes doors are closed on us. This happened to me recently and initially it hurt and I felt somewhat betrayed and extremely slighted. Eventually I got over it and realised that it was a blessing in disguise. I had been immersed in a negative situation and instead of leaving, I chose to remain, treading water, tip-toeing around and feeling unsafe and somewhat overwhelmed. There are many doors available for us to open but sometimes we just stay in the same room unaware that we all have the wonderful choice to open another and peek inside. We can OPEN as many doors as we like. We can go THROUGH as many as we like. There is no need to stay struggling in the same negative environment.

I have chosen to open some more doors today:)

Anyway this latest turn got me thinking about the destructive, toxic energy of negativity. Many years ago a colleague said to me, "The Directors like you more than they like me." She then set about trying to undermine everything I did.

So many of the people who took the "happy@work survey mentioned that the negativity of others killed happiness levels at work. Don't forget you can have your say by clicking on the link from my websitecontact page

So what is the impact of negative co-workers and alliances?
* Lower productivity: it is hard to perform at your peak when others bring you down
* Lower self-esteem - greater effort is required to feel good about yourself when others criticise you
* Diminished confidence - confidence, like plants, needs the right nutrients to flourish
* Unless you remove yourself from the influence of negative people it is hard to achieve your potential - negative people enjoy seeing you fail
* Diminished or destructive creativity

So what do negative people gain:
* By making others feel small they make themselves feel tall
* They take other people's dreams and positive energy - some people call this the energy vampire effect
* By playing the wounded party they gain attention and support - many people don't like to see others feel sad or down (something negative people prey on and use to maximum effect
* Often by remaining negative they can absolve themselves from taking action to improve their situation
* Negative people want you to be just like them - "I was once told by someone I worked with :"the problem with you Cassandra is that you are too positive!"


How do negative people lose?

* Negative emotions carry toxic energy - polluting themselves and the people they infect
* Negative people attract negative people - like attracts like
* Negative people seldom reach their potential
* Negative people don't know how to celebrate other people's success - success in others makes them feel less than successful


I would love to hear your views and additions to this very topical thread. Did you know that most people have 80,000 thoughts a day and 85% of these are negative! Wow - no wonder economies are in crisis!

Do you remember these images from "What the bleep do we know" ? Just look at how negativity changes the molecular structure of DNA of spring water.

ps you will notice I have edited this thread as the people concerned took offense and threatened me with legal action....I really couldn't be bothered with all the drama (see how negative energy sucks up time.....I am supposed to working on the edits of my book!) The point of this thread was not to embark on a witch hunt or criticise those with mental illness but to powerfully illustrate the destructive power of negativity. I am grateful for the many messages of support including:

Someone obviously doesn't like your success. That was my first impression. Reminded me of the painting that some family members didn't want you to enter into competition. I have no idea what went on during the exhibition except for great art displayed by very talented artists. I would have been honoured to be associated with you because of your positive outlook on life.

It is a reminder that not everyone will like us or our ideas and views. You may have triggered something in her and rather than address any issues she has taken easy option to cut ties.

I am unsure if no longer having an account with Arttalk will hinder you in your work or may be an blessing in disguise. It is hard at the time to see why things happens but further done the track (maybe years) it is always clearer.

I'm sure there are lessons you have learnt from this in regards to people changing. I feel for you as you are obviously shocked and disappointed however no one can take away the fabulous, motivating, inspiring, talented person you are. At the end of the day it is her loss. Keep smiling.

“I truly believe that absent the victim mentality, everyone - regardless of background, education, or ability - can carve out a good path for themselves in this tumultuous work place.” - Richard Bolles, Author

Labels: Communication, Happiness, Overcoming setbacks, Powerful thinking

My dear friend Cho Chan came in the Joy'ance exhibition today and we got talking over art about my book. Well! Guess what? Cho is thinking about making a dramatic career change. He is so excited about the book that he insisted he pay for it now! That's great....because it means now I am under even more pressure - good pressure - to finish. Not just for Cho (who I now owe money to!!) but for people who have ordered copies before it is published. Gosh at this rate I may run out of copies before I have even got to the print shop!

Let me know if you would like to order now too!

Labels: Motivation, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking, The Book

As promised I am keeping you posted with Happy@work updates. I am very happy working on the book:" Happy@work:job hunting for mid-lifers" because I am surrounded by the most amazing art, joyfully created by my wonderful friends.

I think having a office like this is incredible and it definetly helps get my creative juices going!


Today, as I mind the gallery for our collective art exhibition "joy'ance" I am working on the final edits for Part 6 - the section of the book that deals with the important strategies for success.

Finding a job that makes you happy isn’t always easy. If it was, more people would be working in jobs they love. The exercises in “Strategies For Success” will help you identify and overcome any obstacles between you and your goal. Maintaining a positive expectancy, and having a success action plan, will help you successfully navigate your way toward your preferred future.

In this section of the book, I’ll help you:
• Identify possible constraints and develop a positive mindset to overcome them
• Overcome ageism and turn maturity into an asset
• Challenge your fears
• Identify ways to beat any skills gaps
• Beat the money blues and finance your career
• Whip procrastination into shape and stay on track
• Cope with change and uncertainty effectively.

This section is divided into 7 sections headed:

*Overcoming obstacles
*Turning age into an asset
*Employment Strategies for Fifty Somethings
*Challenge your Fears
*Finance Your Career
*Staying on Track
*Transitions are a time of renewal

By tomorrow I hope to have all the section edited, proofed and finished. Then it will be onto Section 7. Wrapping it all up
In this section you will create:
Your happy@work profile
Your Vision for the future
Your unique passion point

Creating these things will help you consolidate all that you have learnt and prepare a concrete and inspiring plan of action.

My amazing reviewer!
Yesterday I received great news from my dear friend, published author and super talented Business Psychologist Jasbindar Singh that she would love: to be a reviewer of my book. That is so fabulous. I can't wait for her feedback.

Labels: Motivation, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking, The Book

Yesterday I received a lovely email from Wendy - a lady in Nelson who was the very first person in the world to ever put in an order for the book. Wendy has given me permission to share our correspondence:

"Hi Cassandra
Quite a while ago I placed an order for your book that was due to be published. Can you give me an idea of how far away it is as I have presented a ‘preview’ of the book at one of our AAPNZ, Nelson group meetings and quite a few members are asking me about it."

Here's what I replied:

"Thank you so much for your email and for your active pre-promotion of my book. Wow! I am amazed and very grateful to you for drumming up so much interest.

To be honest I was stalled a bit by the New York agent that took the near completed draft to America and asked me to stop working on it while she talked to publishers.

This agent felt that because I had put so much time into the design of the book she felt that publishers would think I was a control freak and therefore would be difficult to deal with.

I was really surprised by this comment. The design and visual elements of the book are what makes Happy@work so different from anything on the market. It is true that I would hate for "Happy@work: job hunting for mid-lifers" to be reduced to pages and pages of black and white text but I would "bow" to the publishers if I had to -assuming they know best.

Anyway this agent promised the world and delivered nothing - I pushed the publishing date back waiting for her. But now I am back on track and aim to have it finished before my birthday at the end of the month - that would make it a lovely way to celebrate both my birthday and the birth of the book. Can your members wait with me until then?"


Not only are Wendy's members happy to wait but Wendy has also agreed to review the final copy. Wendy has asked for a time line from me :) This is terrific...being accountable in the nicest possible way will motitivate me even more!"


I will be publishing regular updates on The Happy@work blog. Please left me comments to help keep me going...I would love that

Labels: Motivation, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking, The Book