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As the famous and enduring rock legends, The Rolling Stones, so often sing, “You don’t always get what you want, but you might just find that you get what you need.” These words especially ring true when it comes to periods of change. Change is hard enough, but can seem even more overwhelming when the things changing are out of your control.

When change is thrust upon people, expected and often unwanted – like losing a job, financial blow outs, or relationship bust-ups - it’s pretty hard to stay positive and calm in the face of calamity.

But as Viktor Frankl, Austrian Psychiatrist and survivor of the worst horrors imaginable during his imprisonment in various concentration camps said, you may not be able to choose the circumstances of your life, but the one thing no man can ever take from you is your attitude. “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Man's Search for Meaning

Sometimes, according to Frankl, disasters, setbacks and disappointments are gifts waiting to be revealed. In other words, we can choose to find meaning and purpose and even divine guidance in tragedy.Viktor’s experiences and compassion for his fellow human beings led him to work at ways to help people maintain their will to live. After his release he became world famous for developing “meaning therapy,” a valuable therapy technique he perfected during his time in the concentration camps. (See the reading list at the end of this newsletter to find out more about his technique and his amazing and powerful story.)

Many other people have similar stories where what at the time looked like the end of the world, turned out to be an experience that steered them in a more positive direction - in some cases turning out to be the best thing that ever happened.

As one client told me recently, "If all those men hadn’t dumped me I would never have met my husband. I would have settled for less, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I’d be someone else. Someone less."

If Viktor Frankl, can find meaning and purpose in his unimaginable suffering, then I'm positive we all can too.

I hope you find some helpful tips to help you and those you care about stay calm in the face of calamity and find meaning, purpose, love and inspiration in all that awaits.

Inspirational quotes
“We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.” Unknown

“One doesn’t have to be holy and healed to experience divine guidance. In fact, such guidance often comes as a result of pain and problems. When things are coasting along smoothly we don’t need guidance. The sudden flashes of intuition and dreams we have in our darkest hours, however, are capable of renewing our lives, changing our course, and mending our broken spirit’ - Joan Borysenko, Harvard medical scientist and psychologist

“Our doubts are our traitors” - Shakespeare, Author

“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” Anon

“Faith is the bird that sings while the dawn is still dark” - Anon

“We must be the change we want to see.” - Gandhi, Politician

“Organs evolve in response to necessity. Therefore increase you necessity.” - Jalad-ad-din-ai Rumni,13 century mystic

“You cannot polish a gem without friction nor a person without experiences” - Anon

“To be enthusiastic act enthusiastically – act as though you cannot fail” -Anon

Practical strategies to stay calm in the face of calamity:

Listed below are some successful strategies that many people have found helped them build and sustain resilience during setbacks and time of uncertainty. What works best for you will depend on your personal situation circumstances. I hope you find a few handy reminders that you can use and pass on to others in need.

Put a time limit on negativity. It is important to acknowledge how you feel, however, dwelling in negativity for too long is like a record stuck in a groove. You end up in the same place, and making a terrible mess, instead of going with the flow of life and making sweet music. Make a choice about how you want to feel, and start to work towards it.

Meditate! Control your thoughts - control your destiny. Lean to meditate and practice this daily. Recent research published in New Scientist, has revealed that meditation can help to calm people and reduce fear. The research found that regular meditation can tame the amygdala, an area of the brain which is the hub of fear memory. People who meditate regularly are less likely to be shocked, flustered, surprised or as angry as other people and therefore have a greater stress tolerance threshold as a result.

Research also proves that people who meditate regularly suffer less from anxiety and have increased energy, creativity and self-control. By meditating regularly, the brain is reoriented from a stressful fight-or¬-flight response to one of acceptance, a shift that increases contentment, enthusiasm, and feelings of happiness. Make meditating for at least 20 minutes a day part of your daily routine for optimum success and well-being.

Bibliotherapy - Read Read! Read! Immerse yourself in books which inspire and motivate. Tune out negative news and bad events and tune into positive news and information.

Keep your dreams alive. Look at the big picture and the life you really desire. Don’t let present day worries rob you of your passion and enthusiasm for your dreams. Do something everyday to help make your dreams a reality. As Winston Churchill, once said when asked to give his formula for success, “I can summarise the major lessons of my life in seven words: never give up, never, never give up”.

Get inspired! Start an image board with things you want accomplish or achieve. Look at it daily. Believe they will happen - tick them off as they do. Surround yourself with inspirational people who believe in you and do something you love!

Be your biggest fan. Practice positive self talk. Under times of stress, or if you're a pessimist by nature, you're likely to spend a lot of time with negative self-talk. "I can't do this." "Nothing works out for me." Or, "I’m not a very confident person," are all common examples. Whatever situation you are facing pay attention to what you're telling yourself. All the above statements are all examples of really crippling affirmations Talk and affirm the positive instead. It will make a dramatic difference in how you feel. Make a conscious attempt to shift the focus on any pessimistic thoughts. Try saying things to yourself like, "I know I'll get through this." "What could I do today to stay relaxed?" "There are many things I do well and today I'll stay focused on those." “I’m a capable, confident person”

Get outside! True happiness comes from being outside. Just like plants, we need at least 20 minutes of sunlight every day just to restore our hormones to normal levels. Medical research suggests some people need as much as two hours a day of sunlight to avoid seasonal affective disorder. Walking outside can also help you gain a new perspective on a troubling situation. When you go outside and take a walk, you increase the electrical activity in your brain, you breathe negative ions and see in three dimensions. With time alone engaging the whole brain, you have an opportunity to process things that are troubling you and to see things more objectively, sometimes the solution is quite simple. Tap into the healing power of the great outdoors by walking near the sea or natural bush.

Be grateful! Celebrate what you do have. Sometimes it can be so easy to focus on what you don’t have that you forget to acknowledge all the things that you have in your life. For example good, health, a loving partner, freedom to do what you have supportive friends, a roof over your head, someone who loves you, a good education, living in a peaceful part of the world, experiences you’ve had, all the things that are good about you and that others appreciate etc.

Rewind! Reflect back on previous crises - remember the positive changes which occurred as a result. Trust this will happen again. Keep a silver linings journal. Divide the pages in half. On one side record the thing that’s upset you and on the other side, the opportunity that could come of it. You may find you have to add this part later – sometimes the silver lining takes a wee while to be revealed.

Invest in colour. Surround yourself with colours and scents which reflect the way you want to feel and be. Many people love yellow when they are sad. Vincent Van Gogh, who suffered from depression, often painted in yellow – yellow skies, yellow grass, and yellow houses. Yellow! Choose a colour that that makes you feel fabulous!

Look for opportunities in any climate. So many people contact me in despair when life as they knew it takes a turn for the worst. I've had my fair share of setbacks and personal experience combined with years of helpign people professionally, has taught me about the value of looking for silver linings during times of near calamity.

Carterton grandmother Jeanne Taylor's world collapsed when her job of 39 years was taken away, but now the company that failed is giving her a new lease on life. Mrs Taylor, 61, is going to make an offer to purchase two sewing machines so she can start up her own business. Jeanne’s doing what more and more people are doing in the wake of limited job security – she’s employing herself. “I’m setting up a small private business, a bit of a sideline to generate some extra income by doing clothing alterations,” she says in a recent Dominion Post interview (12 August 2009, Tanya Katterns) “At least after all the heartache this financial collapse has caused, we may be able to get something out of the ruins to make a difference for ourselves.”

Take control of your career and your life and employ yourself. Click here to learn how.

I ve had so many enquiries from people itching to know when the Happy@work book is coming out. I've even got a television interview lined up! I ve hated keeping everyone waiting so long especially when so many people are out of work or stuck in jobs they hate. My prospective publishers have been swamped with prechristmas deadlines and have promised a decision by the end of the week.

The timing couldn't be better! The global economy is showing signs of improvement and confidence is slowly returning. I'm having a re read of the book and can honestly say I'm loving it! It's an upbeat, inspiring, practical read and is really helping me personally as i crystallize my future career and life direction.

I believe in the power of this book with such a passion I know it's going to be a reality. Bring it on!

Thanks to all my followers who have pre ordered and to all the people I have coached over the years who have shared their transformational stories. If you haven't pre ordered I'd love your support:) plus stayed tuned to www.cassandragaisford.com for new happy@work interviews... Coming soon... From economics professor to tango teacher!

Labels: achieving goals, Book Launch, Communication, Overcoming setbacks, The Book

Self belief is a critical determinant of happiness and success yet sometimes an elusive factor. So many things conspire to weaken our self belief:
criticism from others
self criticism
perfectionism and overly high self standards
lack of focus and discipline
under resourcing - time, money, training
lack of encouragement

all of the above and others took swipe at my self belief recently when I went back to study. Family and friends said I was crazy, classes were over subscribed, money was tight, relationships strained, stress levels high, a horrible group critique that left one student crying, under-funding and indifferent tutors, impatience with lack of skill combined with minimal one to one tutoring eroded the belief I could turn my dream into a reality and made it "easy" for me to throw in the towel.

Passion, skill, and belief all determine success and happiness in life but with no belief you are destined to fail.

What did my recent experience teach me. In my case a large factor was suffering from way too much stress - as you'll see later I really needed to get that under control. Critical self belief boosters also include:
surrounding yourself with people who believe in you
remind yourself of and focus on prior achievements
don't settle for less - ask for your needs to be met
affirm your strengths
recognize areas for development and allow time for talent to develop
perservere in the face of setbacks
find another way around obstacles
get a mentor, coach, or tutor
practise, practise, practise
be positive
allow no doubt - fake it til you make it
fuel your desire - build a strong mental, emotionally evocative picture of your end goal
find role models who succeeded despite the odds
prioritize - don't spread yourself too thin
know when to give up, know when to stay

where to from here for me?
timing is everything. As Thomas Edison once said, " I haven't failed, I've succeeded in finding ways that didn't work".

I still have belief - I'm just clearer about what didn't work:
Being stressed to the max didn't work
juggling study with a new relationship didn't work
juggling two mortgages and finding two new tennants and try and study didn't work
lack of encouragement didnt help
moving between 3 homes and two campuses didn't work
crises with teenager didn't work
studying with savvy 18 year olds in over subscribed classes didn't work
house sitting and minding a dog didn't work
relying on others in group assignments didn't work
working two jobs and running a business didn't work


Gosh! No wonder it didn't work! But when the timing is right it still can. I know I can self study, I know I can apply for entry into year two in Dec. Mostly I know I need to take time to get my mojo back after an extremely stressful two years. And I know I need to take time out to clarify what's truly important and how best to achieve it.

How about you? What do you need to do to boost your self-belief?








waning passion for a career as an architect certainly didn't work

Labels: achieving goals, diary of an architect, Happiness, Motivation, Overcoming setbacks, passion, Powerful Creativity, Powerful thinking, Productivity