Last month a friend commented to me that my soul looked like it was tired. I nearly burst into tears. I guess it's the sort of relief people must feel when someone who has been ill gets a diagnosis. Finally, my dis-ease had been named - burnout and emotional exhaustion. Some of it was self created - some of it just happened.

It seemed as though overnight everything had changed. I was trying to juggle a new relationship, full time study, living between homes after renting my house out and on-going dramas with my family. My new relationship started to show strain and my partner pretty much cautioned me not to neglect him for the sake of our relationship. Something had to give so, prioritising my relationship, I gave up my course.

Now I find I have a bit more space but oddly enough my partner doesn't - a whole bunch of family dramas have hit him. All the negativity was killing me and taking a step back I realise that his total unhappiness with EVERY aspect of his life was taking a toll.

My girlfriend said what I needed was to get away for a while and take a retreat. Now what I'm finding is so many people I look up to are doing just the same thing - taking time out to re-centre and think about who they are and what makes them happy.

Last night my partner had a melt down and accused me of not being there for him - this when he cancelled the night out we'd been planning for weeks because of an ex-created drama. Today I went around to see him and he sulked and literally turned his back on me. I didn't feel anything - other than feed-up with all the drama.(He later rang to apologise - so that's progress.)

Importantly what I'm realising is that I really need to get away. And the Universe is telling me to go for it! Synchronicity is the Universe's way of saying "you're on the right path!). Today for example, my good friend Maartje let me interview her re her own transition - and told me she took a gap year in her mid 40's to think about who she was and what she wanted.

Last week, as I said, my friend encouraged me to contact a retreat in Australia and offer some of my services in return for a break. Either that or get a gap-job somewhere cruisy.

Then today I read Tina Su's post

For the next four weeks, I will be living in an ashram near Bangalore India. I will be attending a meditation and spiritual retreat called Inner Awakening that I have been anticipating for many months now.It’s an opportunity to learn directly from an enlightened guru in a serene environment, along with several hundred other spiritual seekers from around the world.

I’ve decided not to bring my laptop or cell phone, and to fully immerse myself in the experience. Besides, a month without technology sounds like a really nice cleanse of its own.(she's since said that she's extended her trip for 2 months!)

I don't feel like I need to go away on a spiritually lead guru-style retreat but I do feel like I need to grab some space and time to myself. So once my baby sitting task is over I'm going to grab some soul time and take off for a while. Somewhere quiet and somewhere warm - right now Samoa is looking good.(I have 2 weeks more to go before my mother returns from France and I can hand back her very cute, but needy,dog.

Here some of Tina's tips for creating your own retreat:
Create Your Own Personal Retreat

While I am away, I want to make sure that you guys are taking care of yourselves, by creating time out of your week (or day) to connect with yourself, to love yourself, and to give thanks for the things you are grateful for.

If you want to experience a piece of what I am doing, consider doing one or more of the following ideas:

* Cleansing Day - Take one day (a month or a week) off to spend with yourself. Spend the day on your own without the computer, phone, music players and tv (shut everything off). Spend the day communing with nature, going for walks, contemplating in your journal, and maybe reading inspirational things. Optionally, consider spending the day without speaking, unless you are addressed by another person.

* Take a Meditation or Yoga Class - at the local gym or meet up. Many temples of various religions offer meditation classes for free. It doesn’t hurt to be open to it and experiment with them. When I first moved to Seattle, I would go to a local Tibetan Buddhist temple for this.

* Moments of Stillness, Everyday - spend 10 minutes everyday with your eyes closed in silence. Start with some deep breaths and focus on your breath. Whenever thoughts come, just bring your focus back on your breathing. Extend it to longer than 10 minutes if you can. 21 minutes or more gives best results.

* Write a Love Letter - to yourself, to another person, or to the Universe. The point of this, is practicing of gratitude, and realizing the abundance of goodness you have in your life.

* Selfless Service - Do something for someone, or for some group of people without expecting anything in return, and don’t tell people that you did it (bragging that you did something counts as expecting something, and it no longer becomes selfless service).

* Inspirational Reading - Read something that inspires you, and gives your inner space a sense of peaceful clarity. I highly recommend “The Power of Now” and “Living Enlightenment” (Here’s the shortened version of the book). I also really liked “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari“.

Labels: Cultivating Creativity, happiness, intuition