Friday, 16 January 2009

Diary of an architect in training

"What you think you create. What you feel you attract. What you imagine you become."
Adele Basher, author

Diary of an architect in training -
(please scroll to bottom for latest entry)

The big news is that I am getting ready to reinvent myself and have enrolled at Vic today to study architecture...feels very inspiring - was going through one of my journals just now and saw in writing that being an architect was one of my clones! (If you have had some career coaching with me you will know what this means!)

When I analysed why I wanted to be an architect back when I completed the exercise I wrote:
"it's creative, healing, inspiring, practical and lasting and makes a positive difference in people's lives."

I also recognise the potential to integrate so many things I am passionate about - colour, happiness, writing, travel, photography, making furniture, painting. Plus i know if I don't take the opportunity know I will regret not giving it a go. For years I have complained how when I was at school no body told me you could do something creative with maths (the only subject I passed, along with French for UE!.) Plus in a recession and with my daughter about to leave home the timing couldn't be better.

My coach reminds me to walk in the path of my own beliefs - an important reminder not to let other peoples opinions weigh me down or fuel the embers of self-doubt. Like a caterpillar emerging from its chrysalis the process of transformation is a very delicate time...I'm sharing it with you here with the desire that posting an account of the journey will be inspiring to others wanting to make a big change mid-life.

In terms of flow and catalysts to make the change - a previous work associate of mine rang the other day in an unrelated matter (referring a young student to me for career coaching. When we got talking she revealed that she was going to go back to Uni and complete a law degree. This at 63. "Go for it Cassandra, " she enthused. " go and be an architect!"

I thought if she can do it, I can do it. If I can do it, you can do it!

This doesn't mean I am without my challenges - a bit if self-doubt, "can I really do it? Will I be able to manage the physic and maths?" And importantly, "can I afford to do it?" (better go and read the chapter from "happy@work" re financing your career!

Step one design a compelling vision - one that allows me to experience the the achievement of my goal as though it has already happened. Make this multi-sensory

Step two is to move from problems to solutions - Not "can I? Will I?"..but "how can I?""

Step three - I am feeding my mind with architectural inspiration - have just finished a fictional account of the love affair Frank Lloyd Wright had with one of his clients, "Loving Frank". Now I have picked up Alain De Botton's study called " The Architecture of Happiness. " I have also picked up a magazine from the library" Houses New Zealand:the residential architecture magazine" (beginning to watch my spending like a student). In it was a very inspiring profile of Peter Bossley (architect of note and also co designer of Te Papa - and fellow artist). I have also been reading a book called "Soul Spaces" and revisiting an all time favourite book I have had for a long time, "Organic Architecture."

Reading all these books had reawakened a simmering passion. I must admit that when I initially went to visit the School of Architecture the whole idea of studying with three hundred 18 year olds left me cold. As someone reminded me, "it's not about them, it's about you and your goal."

Step four: I am making way for the old by clearing out my office and giving away resources and things I no longer have a passion for to people who have a passion for them. The rest I am either moving to a secondary place, recycling or binning.

Step five - make a commitment and share it with others. Today I actually went online and enrolled. This may not seem like a biggie but it is. Not only have I been dreaming about this for ..mmm probably 20 odd years and more, but now that it was within reach I was getting bogged down in the detail of how I was going to make it happen. Now it feels real!

Step six - surround yourself with people who believe in the beauty of your dreams. Avoid the rest. IT doesn't matter if your fans are living or dead, practical or way out there - what matters most is that they believe in you - this will give you the motivational boost you need. Most of my major supporters are very spiritually aligned - they see the world from a much higher, vibrational plane than everyone else. Personally I need that. Chances are you do to. This reminds me of those infamous studies where a teacher was given a group of low achieving kids but told that they were actually the high achievers. The way the teacher interacted with them and the high expectations she had for and of them helped them excel tremendously.

Stay posted for future steps. in case you are wondering - I am still working as a career coach - only not nearly as much..only with select clients. My willingness to let go of the old and reinvent myself is why I'm so good at what I do...wouldn't you rather work with a career coach who walked the talk! Changing and adapting also keeps my skills fresh. As one of my favourite corporate clients said to me the other day, "When I heard what one of our employees needed I thought immediately of you!"

Ps i started this post after I received this email from one of my past coaching clients:

"Just touching base again to let you know I have done it!!! I haven't received the mark for my last assignment but other than that all is completed. I know have a Diploma in Counselling. Can you believe two years has passed? "

Another client of mine has just quit her job, got a loan and signed up to train as a chiropractor.....all very exciting!

Feb 01: "new beginnings"

It's official - I am officially enrolled and have been accepted to study architecture. In what I can only call incredible "flow" suddenly everything seems to be falling into place.

Only days ago I was losing sleep worrying and wondering how I was going to make my dream a reality. I kept taking steps and making commitments even though I had no idea how it was all going to work. I listed the house as fully furnished on Trademe to help pay the mortgage and free me up. Yesterday 2 awesome couples came along and signed up immediately for 2 years! It was so effortless I nearly fell over.

The day before I had pooped into the school of architecture to see how my application for cross credit was going. I nearly leaped in the air with joy when I found that I had already completed the pre-req maths paper as part of my commerce degree. Yay.

Plus - this is the really exciting bit - I found out I can access level 2 papers in sustainable design - organic architecture and healthy homes have always been a passion- I've been collecting stories, articles and books for years.

The other biggie is that for the first time in my life my family are behind me 100% - this is an incredible turn around from years past. At school I was forbidden from studying art, something I had a natural talent for, by my parents - too frivolous they decreed. "No money in art" etc etc...so finally after 25 years of living in a world of commerce that doesn't and never did make my heart sing I can follow my bliss. For years I have felt like an imposter and now I can be free to be me.

Re-reading one of my favorite books "The money of your life" helped coach me along the path less travelled.

The significance of breaking my toe?!

Two weeks ago I broke my little toe after walking into the bottom step of the stairs in my home. How is that significant I hear you say! Those stairs have been there for four years and I have never waked into them. Then just my toe was beginning to heal I kicked the base of my bed and broke it again!

I was curious what metaphysic and author of "You Can Heal Your Life" Louise Hay would say.

According to Louise Hay, toe injuries are physical manifestations of a needless emotional worry about future details. My squished toe was Nature (or Louise Hay's) way of asking me to "step off" the idea of fine-tuning my future. Apparently I should learn to let go and trust the natural flow. hmmm,,,interesting because just as I was rejoicing the fact that I had leased the house when the folk came to sign they wanted more time..another day...and then they came clean re having seen another place they like to. "We are 99.9% sure we will take this place but we need more time." Naturally I began to focus on the .01% that wasn't sure. Now, in retrospect I can see the headache and the sore eyes I have begun to develop as further symptoms of feeling like I have to control everything to make it happen.

Ok Louise....ok toe...we'll do it your way! I'll trust that the worry is needless and sleep peacefully knowing that tomorrow the solution will appear - if not them someone better....if it is to be it will be, que sear, sear..the future's not mine to see, que sera sera...at least I think those are the lyrics of the Doris day classic.

02 Feb Overcoming setbacks

The toe is still broken - no surprise there - and I've had to dig deep continue trusting in the "flow". My "miraculous" solution to the wondering how I was going to pay for my study/finance my career change has hit a glitch. The folk who only yesterday were so keen to rent the house pulled out. They fell in love with the house but couldn't pay. The truth is I don;t really want to leave either...so them not coming is really a blessing. Plus it was all becoming hard work....something about them didn't gel when they came back a second time. Still, that leaves me back where I was - how to finance my dream and still pay the mortgage.

It's a challenge many of my coaching clients share. As one of my fellow coaches said, "You are certainly modelling what you are teaching."

As I begin to work on plan B (a plan I still have to figure out) here are a couple of my favorite overcoming obstacles quotes on:

“Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” - Michael Jordan, Basketball star

“Perhaps one of the greatest distinctions between five-sensory and six-sensory people is that five-sensories worry about how they’re going to make it in the world, whereas six-sensories always know that the Universe will there to help them in every way.” - Sonia Choquette, Author

To those I will add one of my own:

"Maintain a positive mindset. Setbacks are, with the benefit of hindsight, often opportunities in disguise>"

Words of wisdom from others always manages to inspire me and give me the strength to go.

What I do know is that the more I have to work for something the more determined I am to get it!

Feb 10 2009
Today, as I continue courageously and faithfully toward my dream of studying architecture, I received another sign from Universe. Out of the blue while checking my other website I found that the company hosting it had pulled the plug and removed it from search engines. I have been in communication with this company for well over a year now regarding shifting the hosting of www.worklifesolutions.co.nz to another provider. Nothing happened and the company I was dissatisfied with continued to host the website without payment for 13 months. Then suddenly for no apparent reason at all they pulled it.

The telling thing is that, rather than feel annoyed, I felt curiously grateful - finally a firmer catalyst to let go. I felt peaceful, calm, almost happy to be relieved of the "old me."

The timing is also curious as last weekend I settled my daughter into her new home in Canterbury University. I originally set up my company, Worklife Solutions, to better enable me to juggle single parenting, worklife balance, and income generation. The company served both myself and my daughter extremely well. I worked with passion and purpose and helped thousands of people. I travllelled the world, spoke at international conferences, appeared on television, was interviewed numerous times by the media (radio, magazines, newspapers), wrote a column for the national newspaper for 4 years and a book - but now I am suddenly relieved of my room as parent, nurturor and sole provider. I am free to follow my heart's desire and feed my passion for architecture and the creation of healthy, sustainable, affordable homes.

The journey is not without its challenges. Very few people encourage me - many are laden with their own fears and insecurities - ones they project onto me. They are well meaning but they do not walk in my shoes. Only I can do that. So I gain courage and confidence from a variety of alternative sources Perhaps some of these maybe helpful to you:

1.) Videos - today I picked up 3 documentaries on DVD's about architects
2.) Books - I have been reading with great passion about the lives, loves and buildings of other architects
3.) Magazines - I am a regualar visitor at the library and devour articles about organically inspired architects and their creations
4.) Pod-casts and motivational audios -
5. Travel - I relish unexpected surprises as I journey around everyday and not so everyday places, Last weekend while travelling on the road from Picton to Kaikoura I came across these amazing tree houses http://www.hapukulodge.com/kaikoura
6.) Network - last month while in Auckland I visited the wonderfully talented architect Ron Sang. He invited me to come and stay with him.
7.) Act as if - I'm tackling the challenge of completing a real architectural project by designing a new office/studio to replace my existing garage.
8.) Surround yourself with inspiration - one of the ways I do this is to pin up and read inspiring quotes everyday. This is one of my current favourites:

"Look in the direction you want to be. Talk in the direction you want to be. NEVER look back over your shoulder where you have come from...if you can pull that off, as soon as tomorrow you will have evidence of fortune." - Ester and Abraham Hicks

February 2009 - powerful cosmic support confirms new direction
Family support for my career change is still thin on the ground so I'm self-helping my way to inspiration. I was thrilled and encouraged by astrologer Susan Miller's February for my sign Libra this month:

Taking the long view of Libra, with Pluto at the very bottom of your chart, you may be changing the way you make your living and where you live. Pluto brings changes from the bottom of the chart up, so you appear to be in the process of seeing everything in your life shift, including where you live and where you work. Perhaps you already moved last year or in January 2009, and if you did, that was a great time to do so. There is no reason to worry. You may or may not have seen this take shape at this point, but the changes will come and you will be ready for them.

Adding to this is the opposition of Saturn to Uranus on February 5, so adapt a willingness to be flexible. What will be needed here are a new attitude and an ability to embrace change. Have faith in your resourcefulness and ability to focus your talents in new ways. You have come very far in your career, probably as far as you can go in your present job description, so soon you'll crave a new mountain to climb. Don't spend valuable time this year trying to find a new job doing the same old thing. The universe's message is clear: You need a new setting and a complete change to something fresh.

No, you are not too old, too young, too inexperienced, have too much experience, or are not living in the right place. Those are excuses - you are beyond those! You are about to embark on a great adventure this year and although the universe may have to drag you kicking and screaming, later you will laugh that cute little laugh of yours that everyone finds so loveable, and even you will have to admit that you are happier in your new situation.

Her reading is so on the money. For example, I have changed where I live - my home is currently rented to a wonderful Italian family who have recently arrived in NZ from Rome. I am staying out at our rural retreat while I work out where to live when I need to be in the city for my course.

I definitely need to continue embracing a positive attitude to change and maintain flexibility. It was not easy to leave my beautiful, beautiful home. "La casa bella" the Italians beamed when they first saw my home Tiranui

Amazingly, (is Susan watching me!) I have been putting energy into applying for jobs to help pay the bills - jobs I don 't want. My mother keeps urging me to apply for these jobs too - worried that I will not be able to pay bills if I study, or worst will have a huge debt and no work when I graduate. I was heartened to read in the paper a forecast boom in building in 2 years - once the credit crisis eases. Apparently there is a housing shortage that needs plugging - already the Govt. has announced it is funding 200 new homes, plus the Wellington City Council is ploughing ahead with plans to upgrade their stock of low income housing. This gives me encouragement - no one should enter a course of study with the aim to work in this field without adequately assessing demand. More short-sited people would react to the current climate and bale out. Not me - my long term vision has always helped me achieve my goals.

It was really cool to receive this email from someone who reads my blog - stuff like this keeps me going....I mean, how can I let everyone rooting for me down!:)

"Hi Cassandra

You may not remember me but our paths have crossed on numerous occasions the last one where you confronted me as to why I was wearing so much black. I have been so inspired by you and your work for ages now. You have the courage to take action and make your dreams come true.

This morning I was catching up with your blog and I knew I needed to contact you. I need some of what you have and I realised I am so desperate to talk to you. I have been wanting to contact you for a while but I keep putting it on the backburner. I am in a stuck place and I don’t seem to be able to get out of it on my own.”

22 Feb 2009
Between a rock and a hard place

I Have just arrived home, quite literally on the smell of an oily rag, with about $2 of petrol in my tank and $15 to last me the week.....am trying out the student life to see if I can make it! Of course I can ! But it does take an adjustment. I haven’t felt this stretched for years! Not since the last time I was a student. It will be a great learning curve for me – and timely as more and more people around the world tighten their belts. I did get some unexpected encouragement while talking to Jo at the Village Art Shop in Greytown. Now a fulltime artist she abandoned an extremely high paying and glamorous career in Television production to follow her passion for art. “Hell, I feel like being a struggling artist, “ she said after working yet another 16 hour day.” 2 weeks later she was gone!

“Just do it – go and be an architect!” she encouraged. I felt inspired again!

Then, less than qo minutes later I received a well time reality check, “It’s an extremely difficult programme, “ said a retired man, formerly on the judging panel, “It’s hard work and very few people make it through...still, “he added, “it’s a real thrill seeing something so permanent that you have had a hand in.”

So there you go – dreams and realities – inspiring stuff and practical stuff like money, mortgages, financing a teen through university and more....

Feeling a little discouraged and wondering how on earth I am going to make it happen, I did the only thing I could out here in the country – I Googled one of my favorite astrology sites and read my reading for the day! Somehow having it confirmed in black and white that I, like millions of other fellow Libran’s am “between a rock and a hard place” helps bring perspective!

Here’s part of the reading:

Valid during many months: During this difficult and tense time your values and ideals will be severely tested. No matter what your situation, under this influence you will be confronted with a difficult dichotomy. On the one hand

you will feel drawn to the new, unknown or even outrageous if it appears to offer more freedom. Old desires may reawaken with a new intensity, and you may now feel able to fulfill them. On the other hand, you may feel that existing obligations and ties, together with old fears and insecurities, are preventing you from breaking free from the grind of everyday life. Your sense of right and wrong could also prevent you from throwing off some of your shackles.

Under this influence a variety of difficulties and conflicts in the outer world reflect your state of inner strife. You will have to deal with serious disputes and might experience some kind of separation - particularly with figures of authority or those who have had an important influence on your life. You may come to see that you have been living according to others' expectations, so that things that gave your life security and structure might suddenly seem oppressive and burdensome. Apart from the likely disputes within your relationship you will have problems in practically all those areas which call for order, discipline, responsibility and perseverance. You will rebel and go against the grain, being far less willing than usual to conform or buckle under. This is especially likely as long as you remain unable to decide on a concrete course of action

Who said radical transformation was supposed to be painless?!

And as the astrologer goes on to say,

“This can be a rather tense time, but it also has the potential for much stimulation. This time is not necessarily so difficult, depending on how well you have been handling your emotions.”

Sadly she doesn’t post any tips re this – but as a trained counselor and life coach I have a few of my own up my sleeve which I’ll post separately shortly!

A lot is going on!

But in closing ...here’ some help from my other favourite astrologer Susan Miller

Taking the wide-angle view of your life, you seem to have a lot going on. You may move or completely refurbish your home (if you haven't already) and you also seem to be ready for a whole new career.

Don't let this concern you. You seem to be frustrated with the lack of progress you have seen in your present career, and if you are honest, you seem to crave a new direction to aim your considerable intelligence. The universe never brings challenge without providing you with all the right tools. They lie in front of you, so close you may fail to see them. Friends and family might, so listen to what they have to say.

Mar 9 2009

Creative play

This will be "home" for the next 3 + years - the architecture studio at Victoria University. Lucky for me my previous study has been recognised so I don;t start until June this year. So I'm making the most of some outdoors time and engaging in creative play at my rural retreat.

I’m busy beginning with the end in mind and having a great time doing it. It feels so wonderful to be able to pour over all my favourite magazines and drew inspiration from them – as well as the natural world around me. Plus for the first time in my life I can honestly say that all this fun is actually work! You see I am working on my first self –appointed commission. I’ll have to keep it under wraps for a bit until the object of my desire appoints me as their co-architect for real. But even if this very bold gamble doesn’t come off all the effort I am going to will help me prepare a wicked portfolio. It’s what I call applied learning

Yesterday while taking photos to support and form my design approach several ladies approached me. When I told them what I was up to they were so excited that I felt so, so encouraged.

“You are just what we need. You should move up here permanently and be the regions principal architect – plus you should run for council.”

Wow! That’s some serious encouragement. And hey that actually sounds like fun I thought.

So it’s true “when you follow your bliss doors open for you that wouldn’t open for any one else.”

And all because I was so appalled by the design concept that was previously put forward - a boring, monotones series of boxes divorced from the natural environment.

Mindful of the fact that it is easy to critizize but harder to be solutions focused I am buoyed by the Dalai Lama’s quote as I begin to imagine the ideal solution:

“I am often told that I am too idealistic. Be more practical they say. But thinking of the “ideal” helps strengthen my vision.”
The Dalai Lama

I’ve also been getting books out of the local library while I am on retreat here in the country. Tony Lane is one architect that stood out. I like his eclectic use of materials and unconventional yet clean approach to design. Like me he loves to use natural materials – stones, concrete and timbers and his adoption of a holistic approach.

Stay posted as I begin to post my vision.

March 22 2007

After feeling much elation over the past week I suffered a bit of a set back today when I was pretty much "ordered" not to meet with key stakeholders in a project that I had previously been given permission to explore in depth and present a design concept. Upon reflection I should have heeded the cautionary words I was given that this was an extremely political project.

I'm not sure where it will end as the whole process is extremely undemocratic and many of the people for whom the building is being designed feel unlistened to. I am flabbergasted but in order to move on I have decided to let it go and notch it up to experience. The alternative is to go to the media and escalate the issue. However some people have cautioned me to be wary of being bought before the architects council re breaching ethical practice - supposedly for criticising the work of other architects. One can critise a building I am told, but one can not criticise the design process of the architect. Maybe this is why we continue to have so many leaky buildings and some architects continue to get away with bad design.

The whole process has been very illuminating - appears to be quite a fraternity...but I may be wrong and it is easy to generalise. Time will see and I watch with interest to see what does become of the project that stirred my passions. I am also going to heed some advise I received re talking through the project at the school of architecture

What I do know is that I know with certainty what I believe in and what good architecture means to me. This is itself if valuable knowledge that will hold me in good stead.

What I also know is that this quote is particularly relevant:
“Passion is in all great searches and is necessary to all creative endeavors." ~Eugene W. Smith

My passions
I'm passionate about organic, natural architecture and deeply believe that
architecture should be of the people, for the people - I see the role of an architect as facilitating hopes and dreams not imposing his or her worldview on an unsuspecting public. People should be offered a chance to be co-creators of their spaces, not passive victims.

As organic architect Balkrishna Doshi powerfully attests: “Buildings are meant for people - this includes literate, illiterate, young and old...each individual, each community has it's own preferences. Hence they should be allowed to express themselves symbolically...form should not be finite but should be amorphous so that the experience within is loose, meandering and multiple.”

He also goes on to say:

"Organic design places special emphasis on developing a sensitive and creative relationship with both the client and the users of the building. Designing from the "inside out" means that instead of having preconceived ideas about form and structure design begins with the community and the people and expresses their needs and wishes, even their personal idiosyncrasies."

I concur deeply with these sentiments and also with those of Alain de Botton, author of “The Architecture of Happiness” “We would be blaming a lack of inspiration on poverty by proposing that a tight budget always condemned a building to ugliness.”

So I am going to continue with my original plan to work on a redesign - even though I am not allowed to talk to the community stakeholders and users!

02 April 2009
If you are struggling to achieve your dreams you may find it comforting that you're not alone. Right now it seems that making time for creativity is a real luxury - especially when I have base level housing needs to sort out. I thought I had got these sorted and saw this as a sign that I was indeed "meant" to go back to study. But then the people renting my house left early and other prospects failed to confirm. Right now I am working on plan b - get flatmates.

The worse thing you can do is give up at the first sign of a set back. Sometimes I really do feel like giving up but I continue to feed my dreams by reading about cool buildings and telling people about my passions. The other day a complete stranger I had met while I was in Horowhenua emailed this to me:

Subject: 15 Most Strange Buildings of the World

Hi Cassandra. Immediately thought of you on your mission!! - Cheers Margaret

Her email reawakened my dreams and added fuel to a slightly waning fire.

just now I am watching a clip about a man who went back to college to retrain after losing his job. He has taken a 80% pay cut after being made redundant as an anchor man, to retraining as a vet nurse. The drop in salary has meant he has had to dramatically cut back on his lifestyle - including selling two luxurious homes. His attitude is amazing.

"What I do now is priceless. The profession I am going into is a very honoured profession and my self worth has grown hugely. I firmly believe when one door closes, another opens. I have moved onto another passion."

i see this footage as another sign for me - one which feeds my dreams. I continue to look for other signs in the wake of discouragement and to take action everyday - even small steps are better than no steps. Today, for example, I tidied up my garage in preparation for converting it to a studio

April 20

Tomorrow is "P" day - the day I present my new and improved design for the library to The Council. I have had 4 weeks to work on my ideas and have quickly found that while research is a strength and my ideas are robust, my falling down point is how to help others 'see" what I "know."

I have been feeling so overwhelmed and inadequate in the visual communication arena that I have been talking myself into believing (as recently as 1 minute ago!) that I am no good, lack talent, and have generally bitten off more than I can chew!

Pretty depressing, eh. In fact only the following quote by Picassso, and the fact that I have a scheduled presentation tomorrow, has saved me:

"Inspiration has to find us working."

Then by some strange coincidence, or what I prefer to call "go-incidence" just as I typed the above, Frank Sinatra's song "My Way."came on my iPod shuffle. The lyrics speak to me loudlyand are another helpful sign...

"and more, and much more than this, I did it may way. ..." he crooned

"Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,

When I bit off more than I could chew,

But through it all, when there was doubt,

I ate it up and spit it out.

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way."

So right now I am perservering and tomorrow I'm going to get up at 5:30 and have a strong coffee, head down to my studio and begin making a model!

I don't need to draw, or be a whizz with Computer Aided Design to make a model, and it's so wonderful and sculptural and tactile.

Earlier today I felt really excited as I sourced and purchased materials - it took me right back to my childhood when my brother and I used to create elaborate villages and towns for our model railway. Until now I had quite forgotton! Can't wait to get stuck in I am especially looking forward to creating the green roof, bamboo lattice and stone walls! Watch this space:)

It's amazing to think that less than 10 minutes ago I was feeling demotivated and overwhelmed and now I have renewed passion and determination to succeed. If you could do with a boost try finding an inspirational quote, song or person to reignite the flame within.

April 21: Nature's coast: nature's building

Yes I had fear, but I spat it out! - to quote Frank Sinitra....I rocked up to the Council today and presented my proposal - without a model as I just didn't think I had time to do it justice and was feeling a bit stressed - my own fault for leaving it all to the last minute.

I recall vividly standing outside the Council looking across at the existing library and thinking, "Oh my God, what the hell am I doing? What do I know? Who the hell do I think I am?" I wanted to run. But I took a deep breath and thought "I'll fake it til I make it!"

And you know what? I didn't even have to say a word. The Council rep. loved the concept. It helped immeasurably that I had emailed through a comprehensive PDF with ideas and related images before our meeting. He encouraged me to go and meet with people he had previously forbidden me to speak to in order to get their buy in. Which I did!

Seriously I had to pinch myself...it seemed too good to be true! Mind you I have spent a hell of a lot of time thinking through my concept and articulating why I have chosen the materials and organic form, complete with sculptures.

Moral - good enough is good enough and work to your strengths! As Anita Roddick, founder of The Bodyshop once said, "We communicate with passion and passion sells."

April 28: I'm following my passion are you?

The last few days have been a bit trying but I am focusing on my passions and that feels good. Right now it is raining and I have the door open and is almost like being in the tropics (ohh the power of a great imagination!)

I have been super productive!

As you may know, In preparation for being a student I rented out my house. I never imagined that I would end up living with 2 couples but I must say it is great fun and I am sure the "couple energy" has helped my own relationship immensly - after years of single parenting my daughter has just left home and I have met my soul mate! The couples are all "creatives" - one knits, one animates, one writes and the other designs websites and scottish monsters! The girls were home all day and we had great fun. Claire helped me with the butterfly images on photoshop and baked rock cakes and Jhanna made coffee and giggled:) It is working out just, if not, better than I imagined!

Click here to see video footage of me on the Good Morning show talking about the power of visualisation.

Re my architectural projects and transformation- last week I put a sign up at the school of architecture looking for someone who could complement my creative skills with drawing and technical skills. I made it clear it was a pro bono job but a great chance to boost ones portfolio. Today out of the blue received this email:

Hi Cassandra,=I saw your noticed posted at the architecture school today and it sounds intriguing. I am an architectural graduate from 2007 currently working as a project manager in the construction industry but have been recently developing my architectural portfolio further, so it sounds quiet suitable. I’d be interested to hear a little more about the project if you would care to indulge me.

Last week someone else gave me a useful contact - A lady who works as an architect but has never formally trained. Nor did my gurus Carlo Scarpa and Tadao Ando

Plus I've been working on my self-doubt and negative self-talk re not being able to master computer aided design and sent away for a free student package. I must confess I haven't opened it yet - tomorrow!

17 May 2009 Thinking about my passion but not doing a lot about it!

Well that's not strictly true - it just feels like it. It seems the last few weeks have been drama after drama. Now to top it all off the tenants in one of my rental properties want out of their fixed term lease. So, because I am such an accomodating person, (too accomodating my friends say) I phoned my contact at Weta who promptly brought some people around to view. Before this I spent over 3 hours cleaning.

That's three hours I could have put to better use working out how to use the cool 3D software I have been given free to use for the next year.

Morale of the story - focus! My guru Robert Kiyosaki explains this as "Follow, One, Course, Until, Successful.

Trouble is that my strength, but also currently my weakness, is that I can do zillions of things at once. But now I must admit I find myself getting increasingly stressed and disorganised and spread way, way to thin.

My new buddy Julia (mentioned above) has been an unexpected inspiration and blessing. Not only if she a gifted architect and designer but she shares my love of Zen and japanese style.

The other day she came around and helped re-arrange my studio. Inspired by her I got rid of all the glaring, harsh white (ok in summer but cold and heartless in winter). In it's place I added sof, earthy linen in golden tones, my hand-crafted (by me) Charles Rennie-Mackintosh inspired cabinet, soft plants, and bolsters in Japanese prints. I a flash of creative genuis I masked off the computer area from the bed area with a corrugated card screen that I have fashioned from 2 metres I picked up at the craft shop. Very organic and only $6.

Julia have arranged regular meetings over at her place to work on our projects together and create some models. She's designing a place on her section in Queenstown and I ...well...where do I start? Do I do a model of my library design? Do I work on the garage conversion to studio? Or do I start dreaming about the house Laurie and I want to build one day?

Either way considering I have even started my course yet I'm ahead of my game!

Morale of the story - as long as your mind is still focused on your dream, it doesn't matter too much if life gets in the way and prevents you from actually taking concrete action. As Stephen Covey, author of "The 7 habits of highly successful people" once said, "If I had to chop down a tree I'd spend 10 hours sharpening the saw."

23rd of June - What am I doing?

Who said that pursuing your passion was meant to be a decisive catalyst to change? In part it is - passion inspires us. Yet pursuing our passion also means letting go of the roles and circumstances that no longer serve us. Sometimes these roles and circumstances conspire to constrain us further - throwing more doubt and more obstacles on an already roaring fire of uncertainty.

Thus on the 23rd of June - three weeks before my Bachelor of Architecture studies commenced and the day before I could "officially" withdraw from the course with no financial penalties - I unsuccessfully attempted to withdraw from my passion.

But technology, for once, saved me. My password wouldn't work!

I wrote the following heart felt plea to my partner so express how I was feeling and in the hope that he would understand:

"As you have sensed I am feeling very unsettled at the moment. I know this is part of the whole change/transition process so I am ok with this. I have until tomorrow to withdraw from my architecture study - I tried to do this yesterday but it rejected my password on line.

I'm not 100% sure that withdrawing is the right thing to do - it may not be the wrong thing either. It's just nothing else is really opening up either. I've applied for quite a few jobs now, but prob because my heart is not in it and many out of work people are on the hunt doors haven't opened.

last night I think my dream was a warning - I dreamt of being stuck in a thankless role as an HR manager and was bitterly unhappy. I know you know how this can feel.

The feedback I have received from various mentors below reminds me how important is was to try to follow my passions:

"I like this idea. It's like creating a mind, body, design environment. Right down to designing the furniture. I think, I like the vibe of it. It's a good thing to do. It covers more than the architecture. Eco housing is a life style. Eco sub-divisions, community hall. If you get your a and g this is where you are training yourself for your future. You have created this reality. all the reasons for, reason against. be emotionally attached. Isolate weaknness work out how you can move past this. You could create eco buildings and not just homes - hospitals, hotels, buildings. You could start doing this now - what they showed to me, you could create harmony rooms for people. One room where people know it is there harmony, or meditation room. Colours and things that would give them a sense of peace harmony. Harmony gardens. Harmony rooms for kids. People being born now need those rooms. Could do it by murals, live movies, photographs. The architectural road wil lead to a lot of things I Really think you could be successful at this. Some amazing eco houses in Hawaii. You could do some investigation. As part of your studies could lead you to travel. Have a chat and do some networking with people in these fields. It's a time of getting on with it" Tabash

"What your chart is also saying is that eventually you will need a complete change. If you get the same old job, even if it's in a new setting, it will likely drive you a little crazy. You are ready for more, and your internal thermostat is screaming that you want something fresh and more stimulating to think about. Think about the various jobs you might be qualified to do to give yourself the new adventure you need."

Anyway I just wanted to flag it with you and perhaps we could talk it through - the course is only July to November (4 months) Maybe there is a way you can help me and I can help you. Maybe

Anyway i don't want to put you under pressure ....I just wanted to tell you how I am feeling

I've asked them if I can have an extra week to withdraw without penalty

Thanks for taking care of me so well - you really are a very generous and kind man and I am very grateful for everything you have done and am doing for me

see you tonight

xxx"

Here's what my lovely man replied - giving me such hope and encouraging me in more ways than perhaps he, even now, is aware:

"Hey Budiful

Thanks for sharing with me how you are feeling:). As you know, I share many of your feelings. My heart tells me to act impulsively, to follow my dreams, to throw caution to the wind and see what life (and karma) has in store. My head, however, tells me that to outwit, outsmart and outplay the fuckers and to not be slaves to the system we need money. The question is (in the inimitable words of the camra mon), how much money is needed? Perhaps that could be a good starting point for us? Figuring how much money we need (or don’t need?).

Look forward, as always, to talking things through tonight and to brainstorming how we can help each other soar :).

xxx"

July 8th - Feeling excited - very excited

I start school Monday and am super excited!

How's this for flow - one of the new tenants in my house, Gareth was an architect with Ian Athfield, now going back to study landscape architecture and will be in come of my classes (I think!) - anyway he said "see you at school" - it was a great moment!

Suddenly I don't feel so alone and quite so "old" there will be other people in their 40's beginning again and reinventing their lives like me. Yippee

I also feel great because suddenly the financial burden that has been pressing down on me is abating. After much pushing (and I say this diplomatically) my bank has finally agreed to let me restructure my high interest debt and consolidate at interest only of 5.4% into home equity. So this is a great example from my book re Happy@work at how to finance a career shift. Also I have rented out part of my home to a creative couple from Sweden. Plus I asked my parents if they would help relieve me of the burden of my GE account (a whopping 25%) - and they have generously agreed to loan me the full amount to clear it at a much more do-able interest rate of 4%. I can't tell you what a weight off my mind this is! It's hard to be creative when you're under pressure.

Right now I'm feeling great - but my partner is weighted down by his own issues so I'm trying to figure out how to help him best while not getting caught up in other people's dense energy - and to help him do the same.

If negativity is getting you or someone you know down the following link may help click here

Labels: architecture, intuition