Love stuff is top of my mind and soul at this time - unfortunately so many people I know seem to be having a bad time of it. I know men who cheat and wonderful women whose partners beat them. I know so many people who have lost their life partners, and great woman and men who yearn for more and don't know how to create it. Of course I know fabulous, committed couples who have got the love stuff sorted - but for those of us who don't harnessing the transformational power of creativity will help you attract more love into your life.

LOVE STUFF - PRACTICAL STRATEGIES TO FIND LOVE IN THE REAL WORLD
Many of my clients have been re-evaluting their relationships. For some they are wanting to find love again after years of grieving following the death of a dearly loved partner. Others are looking for ways to re-ignite the passion they used to feel before babies and/or teenagers. Some would like to find a soul for their soul – but don’t know where to start. Love stuff is a big area to cover in such a wee article – so we’ll start small and add to it in future entries.





1.) Prepare for love – visualise success and rock to some music! My client, Suzie was keen to find love again after some pretty hurtful experiences. She was feeling anxious and her thoughts were filled with worry. I suggested taming her thoughts with visual and musical affirmations. Gathering images of happy couples, especially ones she personally identified with, helped her counter a negative belief that “no one has happy relationships.” Similarly, Carol a fuller figure woman in her 50’s gathered examples of people who found love again later in life.
"Your Love Gives Me Wings" - If you like the canvas art above you can purchase it online from my website http://www.cassandragaisford.com/shop/index.php?cPath=32. Order now and feng shui your relationship corner

Click on the following video link of my interview with Brendan Pongia on The Good Morning Show and have a peek at one of my client's love inspired image boards. Check out the Media Page http://www.cassandragaisford.com/media.html.

To help you get into the mood compile a list of your favorite love/relationship songs and let the lyrics inspire and direct you – no sad or angry songs obviously! On my list I have Edith Piaf’s La Vie en Rose, and Je n’regrette; Stand Up For Love, Destiny’s Child; I’m Having A Good Time, Alberta Hunter; Love You I Do, Jennifer Hudson and Bringing Sexy Back, Justin Timberlake. I’ve got a load of others too. Perhaps not the most traditional love songs sound track but just right for me. Right now my favorite (positive) break-up song is by the Eagles, “too busy being fabulous” What songs would be on your love track?

2.) Write it down, make it happen – knowing what you want and then getting it are pretty closely connected. Of course, we’ve all heard about love at first sight – these love doves may say they didn’t have a check list of wants and needs, but somewhere deep down both partners probably knew what they deserved – souls know this stuff…the rest of us mere mortals could do with a bit of clarification. Affirm for what you want by writing a letter to your desired partner. Writing can help you clarify what you want, focus your mind on your dreams (not your disappointments), tap into your intuitive guides, remind you of the love you deserve and reassure yourself that when the timing is right the perfect partner will come in search of you.

3.) Order on line – create and manifest your dream man. Internet dating done safely can be a wonderful thing. Where else can you place your order for your best fit partner? Some people get really worried and worked up about the idea. But the good thing is it’s an anonymous and harmless way to get out of your comfort rut. When the feelings are good and the timing is right you can arrange to meet in a safe place and see if sparks fly. Personally, I’ve met some wonderful men this way. I’ve met some challenging ones too, but it’s easy enough to walk away and nothing ventured, nothing gained, aye! Make a commitment and put your own profile on line. Try sites like www.findsomeone.co.nz for starters. Use a password that is personally meaningful – like biglove, or myknight so you affirm for what you want (and have a giggle) every time you sign in.

4.) Diversify and get out there - Artists by nature tend to love variety. They adopt an eccletic, playful approach to life. They also have to be good marketers to achieve success. Just as it does with job hunting, it pays to be proactive and diversify your love strategy. If 80% of all jobs are found through networking then it makes sense that getting out and about is going to maximise your success in the love market too. Personally I’m a big fan of letting your interests guide you. My mum was interested in boating and marched on down to the port Nicholson Yacht Club and met the man she is still married to – 35 years on and still going strong. Last month I dragged a friend of mine to an art do, with a little bit of meddling (I prefer to call it match making) she and the man she met that night have fallen "madly deeply." 9 months ago, he’d just broken up from his wife and here’s what he told me, “I can’t thank you enough for introducing us – it is soooo nice to be able to share my passion for art with Claire – my wife never wanted to go to exhibitions at all.” The other cool thing is that he recognised imediately all the wonderful things about Claire - things no one else had ever seen nor affirmed.

5.) Stay the same – you don’t always have to change in order to have the love-life you desire. Chances are you may be looking for love in all the wrong partners. As author Joey McIntyre says "Don't you ever wish you were someone else. You were meant to be the way you are exactly. Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are. When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far."

I know the power of this one only too well having just split up from a man who demanded I change – the trouble is he had some really unusual and greedy attitudes to intimacy. I balked (actually I ran) when I saw the hook hanging from his ceiling, the handcuffs and the tool box full of kinky props. When the conversation turned to group sex I knew this relationship was going to be a non-starter! You’d think after knowing this guy for over 4 years as a friend, I would’ve seen it coming! I’m a flexible kind of gal – but not that flexible….so I’m staying the same - a romantic girl who aint into sharing! I got called a few names ("silly" and "control freak" for starters (classic projection if you ask me). Sticks and stones and hooks in the ceiling (!) may break my bones (and spirit) but names will never hurt me. Besides I love and respect myself too much to get into that kind of dark stuff. Maybe he will change - underneath it all I see a really great guy. Everyone deserves a second chance but I'm not hanging around waiting.

6.) Don’t settle for less. Treat your love life like you do your work-life. Define your non-negotiable criteria - when passions collide expect to be inspired. The perfect relationship is one that allows you to be yourself. If you believe in honesty, commitment, loyalty, romantic sex, fun etc. don't settle for someone who doesn't share these values - it'll only end in tears. Suzie’s non negotiable was: "Someone I can rest my head on.” Suzie is looking for a pillow! Perhaps you have bigger dreams! :) Seriously, she’s looking for someone she can rely on and snuggle up with and adore - someone firm and supportive. What are your non-negotiable criteria and what are you offering in return - know your value and your priorties and don't settle for less. Less is less!

7) Get inspired - I have the "Your Love Gives Me Wings" canvas print hanging above my bed – actually I have included a canvas print of Rodin's "the kiss" (a pair is better relationship Feng Shui!) and I also have a painting by Patterson Parkin called “Passion and Purity” I love it. I love the technique and I love the title – passionate and pure at the same time. I met Paterrson at an art do recently and asked him if he had the male half so I could feng shui my relationship corner!!! Anyway I think he said something about if he did male nudes people might think he was gay! Well that got me thinking - yes please...let me be the one to do male nudes – I adore male bodies...think Beckham, think Mr Darcy, think Daniel Day-Lewis in Last of the Mohicans...well you get it! Maybe you could have a go at painting your life partner – if all else fails build a visual profile from magazine cuttings. Click on the following video link of my interview with Brendan Pongia on The Good Morning Show and have a peek at one of my client's love inspired image boards. Check out the Media Page http://www.cassandragaisford.com/media.html.




8) Maintain the faith - it's easy to get despondent if you think love keeps letting you down. Take a leaf from author Richard Bach's wisdom, "There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary to reach the places we have chosen to go."

Not getting what you want is often a vital part of clarifying what you need and taking postive steps toward your preferred partner. As he so honestly writes in his book Bridge Across Forever, "We met as early as we could have met. Earlier than that, you know it - I would have destroyed you or run away from you or you wouldn't have had the patience. You would have walked out on me, with good reason. It never would have worked: I had to learn my way through the mess. I'd never do it again, but I'm not that person anymore...every step we talk got us closer across the bridge forever."

What steps are you prepared to take to take today, tomorrow, and into the future. You are the creator of you life - now go create it!

9) Maximise your impact with colour – what colour is love to you? Unless you are depressed love is defintely not black. Yet so many people wear it. Unless you are going to a funeral why wear black? "Because it'm in hiding" one lady, dressed head to toe in black, said to me recently. I know it seemed obvious but I couldn't resist saying, "I can still see you!" (what I didn't have the heart or the rudenss to say "...and you look like death warmed up!" Unless you suit black or have a special reason to wear it don't let black energy near you. Personally I'm leaving strict instructions that no one is to wear black when I leave this earth - odds are people will be celebrating anyway!

Singer Paulo Nutini knows about the power of clothing to change lives. In his upbeat song New Shoes he sings about the time he was feeling flat and blue one day. He went to his wardrobe and put on his old shoes and something just didn’t feel right. So he went out and brought some new shoes and suddenly everything was ok.

I thought that sounded like a great excuse to buy some fabulous red shoes I had my eye on but couldn’t quite justify spending money on. Wow! What a transformation they made - instantly eveybody started commenting on them and I seriously gained a new lease on life. Attract more spice into your life and purchase the New Shoes photo on line http://www.cassandragaisford.com/shop/product_info.php?cPath=21&products_id=67

COLOURFUL PEOPLE HAVE MORE FUN!



4. RESOURCES TO HELP
Life Coaching: being in the love wars can play havoc with your self-esteem, confidence and emotions. Prepare for success by getting these things in order. When you love yourself others will too.

Career coaching: If you are unhappy@work chances are its affecting your love life too. When you do what you love, other loves come too. Get a career makeover this autumn. Career coaching can help you discover your life purpose, get clearer about your passions and goals and tap into proven strategies to help you achieve them.

Check out our website www.worklifesolutions.co.nz for more information about career or life coaching or contact me in person. We offer one off sessions, email coaching and face-to –face session individually tailored to your needs. Cassandra@worklifesolutions.co.nz . I’d love to hear from you.

Labels: Life coaching